Jagged Little Pill
by Mecoda
Summary: He's not my doctor. He has no degree, no training, no duty. Healing me is not his job. I used to think it was. That was at a weaker time though; one I'd like to forget. Besides, I'm stronger now...right?


Dinner was harder than usual that night. It shouldn't have been; I saw these people every Friday night. They were my childhood friends for Pete's sake! I shouldn't have felt uncomfortable at all. And I wouldn't have been if it weren't for the blue hedgehog sitting across from me in the booth at Moxie's.

He was such a traveller that his presence at one of these get togethers was rare. Thank God for that. If it wasn't I don't know that I would have been able to ever come to one of these things.

I glanced up and away quickly. Over the years I had learned to view him in sips: quick relieving ones, like the sips you might take from a hidden glass of whiskey in the bottom drawer.

He was an intoxicating remedy when things got tough, it was true. But things weren't tough anymore. There were no more badniks or egg shaped scientists or demonic godlings in our lives. The closest I came to encountering any of those these days was the pig headed doctor who checks out my butt when I pass him at work and he could be fended off by just walking away.

With all the crime fighting over and each of us leading on relatively normal lives I suppose my connection to Sonic becomes less justified and therefore more embarrassing. I mean, really, I stalked some fifteen-year-old boy who clearly had better things to do with his time than fulfill the romantic fantasies of a preteen. It's kind of mortifying.

Sitting here with him is kind of mortifying. Hell, everything about my past is kind of mortifying. But hey, you learn to live with it. As long as I could keep a relatively safe social distance I'd be fine.

I risked another sip of attention towards Sonic. I thought it would be as usual. He'd be listening or speaking to Tails or Knuckles or anyone but me and I'd get a buzz going off my nostalgia. Well guess what? It was nothing like that.

His eyes were on me. Tails and Knuckles spoke beside us and meanwhile he had chosen to fixate his rationed time on me.

I stared, realizing I was unaccustomed to chugging his appearance in like this. It was too late though. I was drunk off him. I had no sense left to look away.

A satisfied smile made it's way onto his muzzle. It's wasn't like his old, broad, toothy grin. No, it was more subtle than that. This smile was like a ghost from the past, a mere shadow of what it once was, haunting you for the purpose of getting what it wanted, no, what it desired before but could never get its hands on.

I gulped the feeling down. It didn't work.

This was entirely new to me. For the first time it would appear as though my secret glass of whiskey was trying to drink me. The sensation of being sucked in and swallowed whole by his eyes was a violation worse than any Dr. McOgleAss at work could ever commit. I wondered if I burned his throat going down. I wondered if he liked the taste. All the while I ignored my own burning throat and the sting he left on my tongue.

"Cheque," the word came out airy. I didn't realize I hadn't been breathing. "Cheque please."

* * *

"Bye, Amy. I'll see you soon, 'kay?"

I nodded and reached up, giving my friend a big, warm bear hug. "Alright, Knuckles. Tell Rouge I say hi."

"I will."

Tails took Knuckles' place as the echidna made his dutiful way home and I smiled at him. He was like a kid brother to more than just Sonic, you know. Why else would I be so bossy with him...with all of them.

"Night, Amy."

"Good night."

I pecked him on the cheek, making him push me away sheepishly and roll his eyes.

"You see this?" Tails gestured to himself, backing away down the street. "This is called a full-grown man. He doesn't need good night kisses anymore."

I pouted. "But everyone could use a good nightie night kiss. Come here."

He yelped and flinched away, taking off towards his home as I threateningly ran a few steps after him.

I couldn't help but laugh to myself. "That's what I thought."

A chuckle echoed behind me. Now I was tempted to flinch and run. I didn't though. I just turned around carefully and looked in the eye of my companion.

He smiled broadly at me as he stood by the curb, facing the rode.

"Still babying him after all these years?"

"He's twenty-two," I stated, clearing my throat and claiming a place beside Sonic, not too close or too far away. "He's not nearly as grown as he thinks he is."

"And you are?"

"I have no illusions about my age," I assured him. "I already know that I'm a giant pre-schooler. Only true adults know that."

"By that logic I was an adult at fifteen," he argued, looking at me with challenge in his eye.

"No, Sonic. You see, there's a difference between acting like a giant pre-schooler and actually being one."

He laughed. "You see, I was worried you'd lost your edge but no, you're still Amy."

I frowned, mulling that over in my head for a second. "Lost my edge?"

He shrugged. "Every time we talk you get so quiet. I thought life had made you...dull."

"Dull," I repeated the word. It tasted vile in my mouth. Sure, I had calmed down quite a bit since we were kids but dull?

"Don't take it the wrong way," he tried to remedy the now awkward vibe. "It's just...with the way things have been over the last few years it's either you've turned dull or you're trying to avoid me. And I know you would never-"

My ears pinned back and I smiled sadly. The instinct to do so was too overwhelming and it gave me away.

"You're kidding," he sighed. There was pain laced in his voice.

Sure, Sonic and I had our rough spots in the past but we were still friends, close friends back then. To Sonic, who cherished his friends above all other things, this was an outright betrayal. It had to have stung.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I screw up? My, God, Ames. Why?"

"I don't know...I guess...I guess being around you reminds me of all those years of being left in the dust and still chasing," I explained. I felt myself tense up. I was in the wrong here and that was not something I was used to. "It's embarrassing."

He shook his head and looked away from me. Very rarely did you see Sonic actually frown. Even more rarely would you see him sad. He usually covered it up by getting angry. That's another thing that changes with maturity. Anger is an after thought, a secondary emotion. Other emotions get pushed ahead and we get to see all the great and terrible things that lie beneath the anger.

"Ouch," Sonic hissed through his teeth. "That hurt. That one really hurt."

I averted my eyes and scanned the road, looking for an escape from this awful exchange. I lived farther than Tails and Knuckles did; I couldn't just up and walk away. I stayed planted and tried to ignore the beating heat of disapproval that radiated from Sonic's being.

Finally, after what felt like ages, yellow greeted me in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to look at the bright yellow taxi coming down the street and held up my hand to signal it to stop.

A deep, audible breath came from Sonic and I thanked God that he wasn't going to try and talk this through further. Things were awkward enough before. Now it was only getting worse.

The taxi stopped by me and I stepped up the curb.

"Where to?" The driver asked through the rolled down window.

I opened the door and began to slide in, muttering my address grimly. I closed the door behind me and felt a wave of relief crash through my tensed muscles as we began to drive away. The temptation to look back was there but my nerves overpowered it. Good girl, Amy. It's over now. Just relax.

"So, did you lose him?"

"Ah!" I jolted up and hit my head on the low roof when I heard his voice. "Fuck, Sonic, what are you doing here?"

That was a stupid question. I should have asked how he got there. Never mind, that was ridiculous too. Super speed, duh. He could sneak into a leaving cab whenever he wanted.

"Do you know me at all?" He asked, raising a brow. "I'm not letting you off that easy."

"Stop the car!"

The driver pulled over and brought us to a halt by the sidewalk.

"You need to leave," I ordered, panicked from the fright and angry that he tried to pull a stunt like this.

"No, I'm not leaving until I have my friend back."

"Listen, guy," the driver butted in. "If the lady wants you out I'm gonna have to-"

"Here's a twenty," Sonic said, passing the bill over to the front seat. "Now keep driving."

"No! Don't-"

I was cut off as the engine revved back to life, leaving my chance at avoiding this on the curb.

I glared over at him. Yes, technically I was the one occupying the moral low. I was the one trying to ditch an old friend. But that didn't make me any less annoyed with him.

"Amy, why does all that matter? Yeah, you had a weird crush on me once upon a time but whatever. Can't we just forget that?"

I looked down to the carpeted ground of the car, trying to keep my poker face secure.

"I don't think I can," I admitted.

Every time I looked at him I remembered the good and the bad. I remembered who I was, who I am now ashamed I once was. I shouldn't have to put myself through that.

"You know what Amy? You haven't changed at all. I really never asked to be your idol. That pedestal was high and when I fell I fell hard didn't I? Now you can't even look at me."

My head perked up in surprise. Did he really think that? Did some small, insecure part of him believe that I just realized he wasn't as great as he once was?

"That's not it at all-"

"I don't want to be a door to what I merely represent to you, whatever that is: love, freedom, the past. Fuck symbolism! Can't you just look at me and see a person?"

I couldn't say anything to that because to some extent it was true. He had never been Sonic, a person, just Sonic, a hero. I was ashamed of myself for thinking that way, especially now as he spoke like it hurt.

"I mean, sometimes when I was with you it was great, you were great. I really liked you, Amy. You were fun, energetic, adventurous. Then it all went to shit whenever you remembered who I was.

"You were always following me and expecting me to make everything better. That's a lot of pressure, Ames. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a bandage and I'm not your mother. I didn't carry you in a womb for nine months, okay? It was not my job to fix things for you. And it's not my fault that you always looked at me like that. It's not my fault that you look at me like a huge disappointment now. So why am I the one being punished?"

Well, what can you say to that?

"Sonic, I-"

"We're here, ma'am."

I looked past Sonic and out the window of the cab. This was it, my little townhouse in a cozy corner of Station Square. I looked back at him. His eyes weren't the wild one's of a man pleading his case anymore. They were sad, empty, almost as though he had given up.

"It's getting late," I noted. "How far is home for you?"

He slumped back in his seat, defeated, and looked up at the roof. "I don't know, I need to find a hotel."

I bit my lip. Should I?

"It'll save you a trip if you stay with me," I suggested. "I have a nice guest room."

The option glossed over his eye as dimly as dusty metal while he thought it over. Finally, he turned his head to look at me.

"Do you want me there?"

I nodded. "Yeah...yeah, I do."

"Okay, then," he answered, getting out of the cab and coming around to open the door for me. "Thanks."

I smiled at him while stepping out.

"Thank you," I said to the driver, coming around to his window and handing over the money I owed. He looked winded from our emotional roller coaster. Better add a tip.

"Have a nice night," he forced from his lips and drove away.

I watched the headlights fade into the darkness. He was gone. There was no more chance of stopping him, changing my mind, sending him away with Sonic to the nearest hotel room. He'd be staying with me.

I looked over at my friend and recalled how much he burnt my throat. Nice and slow, Amy. Don't take shots quite yet.

I looked him up and down. Not much had changed about his appearance over the years. He had the same windswept quills, same jade eyes.

Most importantly was his way of carrying himself: it was still smooth and fast. Each action was so brief yet so dramatic that you couldn't help but ponder over what you had seen while simultaneously asking yourself whether you had actually seen anything at all.

Every time he took a step, moved a hand, blinked an eye, it was like taking him in as one would a gasp when they came above water. When you're on land you take regular breathing for granted. I had been on land for quite some time now. Why was I still gasping?

I shook myself free of the thought, pretending it was just the crisp autumn air getting to me.

If I carried on like this it was going to be a long night, a very long night.

* * *

**So the first chapter's done. Did you like it? Is it worth continuing? Please, review and share your thoughts. I really like hearing from all of you guys.**


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